What Fresh Hell: Parenting, Relationships, and Making Life Better, with Two Funny Moms

How do we handle conflict with those closest to us without damaging the relationship or going in circles? We discuss why some people avoid conflict while others escalate quickly, how our family of origin shapes the way we handle disagreements, and common triggers for starting conflicts. We discuss: What happens in the brain during conflict Practical conflict-resolution strategies, including the EAR method and the BIFF method Why sometimes the conflict is over before you’re done being angry and how to handle that Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Aaron Steen and Kanade Shinkai for the International Journal of Women's Dermatology: Understanding individual and gender differences in conflict resolution: A critical leadership skill Peter Reuell for the Harvard Gazette: Resolving conflict: Men vs. women Danya Rumore for the University of Utah Environmental Dispute Resolution Program blog: The power of calm when dealing with conflict Bill Eddy for the High Conflict Institute: How to…

Beth Gellman-Beer spent her whole career fighting for kids with disabilities — first as a student written off as “lazy,” then as a federal civil rights attorney who found her dream job protecting students like her younger self. But on one ordinary night, a phone call changed everything: Her entire office had been eliminated. In the premiere of Zero Reject, reporter Anya Kamenetz traces Beth’s journey from an unfair fourth-grade classroom to the front lines of a sweeping overhaul at the Department of Education’s Office for Civil Rights — the agency families turn to when a school isn’t meeting their child’s needs. Anya breaks down the reduction in force that gutted OCR’s staff, what it means for the 25,000 families still waiting for a response to their complaints, and the plan to dismantle the Department of Education altogether. With fewer people to enforce the law, what happens to the students the system was built to protect? https://lnk.to/zerorejectFD!whatfreshhell Learn more about your ad choices. Visit…

This Deep Dive series revisits some of our previous episodes about dynamics with our parenting partners. Do you feel like the odd parent out in your house? Or do your kids want only you to do everything with them all the time? A listener in ⁠our Facebook group⁠ asked: "Is there an episode about one parent having a very different relationship with a child than the other parent? My 12yo and I seem to have a pretty functional (not perfect) relationship, but he and my hubs seem to end up arguing constantly. Thought at first it was a phase, but if it is, it’s a LOOOOONG one. Would love some perspective on this!" Margaret and Amy discuss: How preferential treatment plays out in younger vs. older kids Why kids save their worst behavior for their primary caregiver Which one of them is conflict-averse and who's conflict-attracted (one guess which is which) Preferring one parent over the other can be developmentally appropriate, but there are times when ganging up on one parent can become too much and needs some…

What if kids didn't need chore charts and constant supervision in order to participate in the lives of their households? What if the "mental load" was seen as a family-wide issue, where everyone could contribute to the solution? Sam Kelly, creator of the "Notice and Do" method and author of the new book NOTICE AND DO: Raise Capable Kids, End Motherhood Burnout, and Lighten Your Mental Load, is here to tell us there's another way. Amy and Sam discuss: The "delegator trap"—why constantly assigning tasks keeps moms responsible for the "noticing" Using a "learning ladder" to teach kids of all ages how to take over household tasks, step by step Handling the pushback you might receive as you roll out the "notice and do" method How kids who "notice and do" have agency and take initiative beyond the walls of your home Here's where you can find Sam: https://hellosamkelly.com @samkelly_world on IG Buy NOTICE AND DO: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780063460911 What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret…

What have 10 years of doing this podcast taught us about being better parents? In this, our 1,000th episode(!), we look back at the biggest parenting lessons we’ve learned from a decade of conversing with guests, listeners, and each other. Thank you for listening and being on this parenting journey with us! We also reference some of our favorite interviews: our Fresh Take interview with Dr. Siggie Cohen our Fresh Take interview with Dr. Lynyetta Willis our Fresh Take interview with KC Davis What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This Deep Dive series revisits some of our previous episodes about dynamics with our parenting partners. We asked the listeners in ⁠our Facebook group⁠ about all the times they caught their spouses being awesome, and here are just a few: supporting their partners through difficult career choices. Reading up on issues that affect their kids. Learning how to do their kids' hair. Awesome parenting partners, all! Here are links to the resources mentioned in the episode: ⁠"Flying the Coop" episode from Reply All podcast⁠ (Margaret's rec) ⁠Our Fresh Take episode with Matthew Fray on Strengthening Our Relationships⁠ ⁠The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children⁠, by Ross Greene ⁠Check out our merch!⁠ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:…

Trigger warning: On today's episode we will be discussing pregnancy loss, abortion, and maternal death. Please be advised if those topics are difficult for you. What happens when pregnancy complications become a life-threatening emergency? Margaret’s sister Anne joins us to share her powerful story of nearly dying from a ruptured ectopic pregnancy. Margaret and Anne discuss: What an ectopic pregnancy is and why it can become life-threatening How Anne's experience connects to the current landscape of abortion restrictions The challenges doctors may face when treating ectopic pregnancies and other pregnancy emergencies, given current abortion bans Why policies made far from the exam room can have profound consequences for women and their doctors Here is the ProPublica article referenced in the episode, by Andrea Suozzo and Agnel Philip: Ectopic Pregnancy Deaths Have Nearly Doubled. It’s Worse in States With Abortion Bans. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special…

Why do some kids completely fall apart when it’s time to leave the playground, get ready for school, or switch activities? We dive into why transitions are particularly difficult for some kids and what parents can do to make them easier. Here's what we discuss in this episode: how anxiety, ADHD, autism, and OCD can cause unique issues with transitions reframing a child’s behavior as a "signal" to help parents focus on the underlying problem how parents can validate emotions while still setting clear boundaries practical strategies for helping kids transition, including verbal "previews," visual schedules and timers, and predictable routines Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Our Fresh Take with Dr. Siggie Cohen Our Fresh Take with Dr. Stacy Haynes Katherine Martinelli for the Child Mind Institute: Why Do Kids Have Trouble With Transitions? Claire Lerner for Psychology Today: The Trouble With Transitions Kristine Cain for Building Bright Futures blog: Why Some Children Struggle…

This Deep Dive series is all about reducing the friction between ourselves and our kids when trying to communicate with them, whether it's yelling less, finding real reasons for constant defiance, or picking our battles. Parenting is a series of everyday battles. But which ones are truly worth fighting? In this episode we discuss the Sisyphean nature of the overuse of the word 'like', to a cleaned-up playroom, to the unending struggle of getting tweens to wear pants—and which of these battles might be 1) winnable and 2) worth the work. Some things really do matter for the long-term success of our kids (and peace of our households); some might be worth letting go in order to let our kids have that win once in a while. In this episode, we unpack how to tell the difference. What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website:…

We want our kids to feel validated and heard. We also don't want to engage in five-hour negotiations every time they have to do something they don't want to do. Where's the happy middle? Child development specialist Dr. Siggie Cohen, author of YOU ARE THE PARENT, explains how parents can create a balanced approach. Dr. Cohen explains why well-intentioned parents can end up overexplaining, over-fixing, over-advising, and trying too hard to prevent their children from experiencing difficult emotions. Dr. Cohen and Margaret discuss: The difference between validating emotions and accommodating behavior Why children need to learn both emotional awareness and the ability to function even when they don't feel like doing something How parents can respond when kids are overwhelmed and why stopping inappropriate behavior doesn't mean stopping the emotion behind it Why happiness shouldn't be the ultimate goal for children How to make true, authentic repair after parenting mistakes Here's where you can find Dr. Cohen:…

Which kid behaviors need to be addressed in the moment—and which are better ignored? We discuss when to fix behavior and when to let it go, from whining and backtalk to tantrums and other attention-seeking behavior. Topics include: How to reduce power struggles while still establishing clear rules and boundaries Why target behaviors should be specific and observable How to set expectations before challenging behavior happens Practical strategies for handling difficult behavior in public Knowing when a child's behavior is really a signal of an unmet need This episode includes advice from the Child Mind Institute's Complete Guide to Managing Behavior Problems. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠⁠ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This Deep Dive series is all about reducing the friction between ourselves and our kids when trying to communicate with them, whether it's yelling less, finding real reasons for constant defiance, or picking our battles. What do we do when one of our kid's moods is affecting everyone else in the house? Whether it's anxiety, frustration, rigidity, or plain old temper tantrums, understanding where it's coming from is the first step. But even when we don't allow emotions to be an excuse poor behavior, that misbehavior can happen anyhow—and walking on eggshells is no way to teach the dysregulated person better emotional skills. In this episode, we discuss: the sometimes hidden needs of the other kids in the house why "fair" is not the same thing as "equal" the single most important factor for positive family well-being Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Our episode ⁠"When One of Our Kids Is Taking All Our Bandwidth"⁠ Nicole Schwarz for ⁠imperfectfamilies.com⁠: ⁠When The Siblings of…

How much of your time is actually going toward what matters most to you? Career expert and author Fran Hauser joins us to talk about her new book, 20 MINUTES IS THE NEW HOUR, and how women can rethink their relationship with time. We discuss: The “four Ps” that can quietly consume our time: perfectionism, people-pleasing, procrastination, and padding Applying these ideas to family life How a “to-don't” list can help you get your priorities in order The difference between chronos (clock and calendar time) and kairos (the quality and experience of time) Here's where you can find Fran: https://franhauser.com @fran_hauser on IG and Threads Buy 20 MINUTES IS THE NEW HOUR from Bedford Books: https://www.bedfordbooks.shop/store/p/20minutes We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/⁠ What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Margaret Ables and Amy Wilson. Learn more…

We want our kids to grow and stretch their wings, but that doesn't mean every milestone is easy for parents. We talk about the complicated emotions that come with parenting transitions, from starting school to getting a driver's license to moving into a first apartment. We discuss: Why a child's growing independence can bring sadness, anxiety, nostalgia, and even a loss of identity for parents The "second arrow of suffering," aka beating yourself up for having perfectly normal feelings about your kids' milestones How to talk about your emotions without making your child responsible for them Practical ways to navigate difficult transitions during parenting Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: CDC: Tips for Encouraging Independence Collischon, Matthias, et. al for the Advances in Life Course research Journal: Parental well-being when children move out: A panel study on short- and long-term effects American Psychological Association: Parents and caregivers are essential to…

This Deep Dive series is all about reducing the friction between ourselves and our kids when trying to communicate with them, whether it's yelling less, finding real reasons for constant defiance, or picking our battles. Why do formerly-sunny kids turn overnight into little tornadoes of defiance and aggression? A listener posted this question in our Facebook group: My four-year-old daughter has recently developed a special, defiant, boundary-testing, aggressive version of herself that she saves only for me. I can’t make sense of it at all. WFH, send help! In this episode, we explain why these sudden onsets of periods of dysregulation are completely normal almost every kid will go through this—and a lot of four-year-olds, although not they do not have exclusive ownership of this sort of behavior and why most kids alternate between periods of regulation and dysregulation repeatedly as they grow and mature. These difficult stretches don't mean you're doing anything wrong as a parent. They don't mean you need to…

Why do ordinary sounds like chewing, slurping, or pen-tapping trigger intense averse reactions in some people? And what does a parent do when it's her own kid screaming at her for having a case of the sniffles? Clinical psychologist Dr. Thomas W. Phelan, author of STOP THAT CHEWING! joins Amy to explain the neurophysiological underpinnings of misophonia, why it can be so difficult for sufferers and their families, and how to stop this involuntary response from completely disrupting your family life. Dr. Phelan and Amy discuss: Why anxiety, OCD, ARFID, and other neurological manifestations often accompany misophonia Why siblings and parents (especially fathers) are most likely to be triggers The impact of misophonia on relationships, school, work, and social life Practical ways to manage misophonia triggers and work towards sustainable solutions Here's where you can find Dr. Phelan: https://www.123magic.com https://stopthatchewing.com Buy STOP THAT CHEWING: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9798995697824 We love…

Why does it feel harder than ever to get together with our friends? Why does every "we should hang out soon!" in a group text feel destined to peter out before it actually happens? In this episode, we explore the modern “friendship recession" that started during the pandemic and hasn't changed back. We discuss: the surprising finding that the quantity of one's friendships matters at least as much as the quality how to set the bar for in-person gatherings a little lower why having three old friends is good, but bringing new people in migh be even better practical ways to build more connection into everyday life Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Kathleen Walsh for The Cut: "I Should Be Allowed to Cold-Call My Friends” Erica Pandey for Axios: Americans of all ages are spending less time socializing Derek Thompson for The Atlantic: The Anti-Social Century Russell Contreras for Axios: 15,000 churches could close this year amid religious shift in U.S. Daniel A. Cox for Survey Center…

This Deep Dive series is all about reducing the friction between ourselves and our kids when trying to communicate with them, whether it's yelling less, finding real reasons for constant defiance, or picking our battles. SHOULD we yell at our kids? No. Do we? Yes. Some of us perhaps a little too often. Kids are hardwired to push our buttons to get attention, and none of us are saints. But while verbal abuse is definitely horrible, hollering “you are about to miss the bus again” is perhaps a little more forgivable—and fixable, as it turns out. And it is definitely better to yell less, not just because you’ll have a more peaceful home, but because the more yelling your household has in it, the more it is likely to have. In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss: Why yelling at your kids might not be as universally toxic as some headlines have claimed Why yelling is, in the end, ineffective Why finding workarounds for the sources of tension might be a more effective path to change than berating yourself for…

What if being a comedian is kind of great for most things, but not so much for parenthood? We talk with Sona Movsesian, co-host of Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend and author of the new book THE WORLD'S WORST MOM, about mom guilt, the mental load, and what becoming a mother taught her about her relationship with her own mom. We discuss: why Sona calls herself the “World's Worst Mom” the special fresh hell of twin boys how you see your mom differently as soon as you become one Here's where you can find Sona: @sonamov on IG Buy THE WORLD'S WORST MOM: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9798217046706 Listen to the "Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend" podcast Protect your loved ones without spying on them. Go to https://heypolo.com/hell or use code HELL and get 70% off your first year! We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit…

Youth sports used to mean riding your bike to your friend's house to play Wiffle ball in the backyard, with a tree for second base. Eventually you'd head to the rec center, maybe join the school team. But those days are long gone. Kids' sports have become so involved, specialized, and expensive that fewer and fewer kids are even able to participate— and those who do play have to opt in to grueling practice schedules and travel teams that prioritize achievement and winning above many of the lessons sports are supposed to teach kids in the first place. Inspired by Caitlin Moscatello’s New York Magazine article “The Pay-to-Play Childhood,” we discuss how youth sports have shifted toward an increasingly expensive, competitive, and business-driven model, including: Why travel teams and sports specialization have become the norm The pressure parents feel to make their kids competitive at an early age How the wealth gap informs youth sports and elite athletic teams What parents and communities can do to make youth…

This Deep Dive series is all about reducing the friction between ourselves and our kids when trying to communicate with them, whether it's yelling less, finding real reasons for constant defiance, or picking our battles. We've all had times when our kids resist every. single. thing. you tell them to do. When is it part of a larger problem, and even if it's not, how do we manage the exhausting defiance? Amy and Margaret discuss: How to keep track of a kid's defiance in order to figure out where it's coming from Gut-check questions to ask yourself to ascertain where ODD might be what's happening the "two free requests" approach Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Katherine Lee for VeryWell Family: ⁠Effective Ways to Handle Defiant Children⁠ Royce Flippin for Additude: ⁠Why Is My Child So Angry and Defiant? An Overview of Oppositional Defiant Disorder⁠ Dr. Douglas Riley: ⁠The Defiant Child: A Parent’s Guide to Oppositional Defiant Disorder⁠ Mount Sinai Parenting Center: ⁠Positive…

Back-to-school season doesn’t have to be a chaotic scramble. In this "Best of" episode, Margaret and Amy share practical tips to help parents make the transition smoother—without getting caught up in the “back-to-school industrial complex.” From resetting sleep schedules to planning meals and snacks, here's what really matters for your child’s success and well-being this fall. You’ll hear strategies for easing morning stress, tackling "after-school restraint collapse,” and checking in on your family’s values to make sure those priorities are aligning with your new school-year schedule. Margaret and Amy discuss: How much sleep kids really need—and how to help them get it Meal and snack strategies to keep your kid energized Using visual schedules to stay organized Share this episode with a fellow parent who's overwhelmed with all things back-to-school! Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Drew DeSilver for Pew Research Center: ⁠‘Back to school’ means anytime from late July to after…

Overfunctioning is usually defined as taking on excess responsibility for other people’s feelings, issues, and tasks. And it's usually presumed to be tied to anxiety. IF someone's overfunctioning, it's either a symptom of or cause of the panic assumed to be lying just underneath. But are we "overfunctioning" when we're doing our absolutely regular amount of way-too-much as a parent? Does anxiety have to have anything to do with it? In this episode, we're talking about the stress that comes with being the backstop how to sense overfunctioning in ourselves as a potential barometer of anxiety the MoSCoW method (Must Have, Should Have, Could Have, Won't Have) as a business-world framework that can help all of us discern what absolutely has to happen in a given "timebox"... and what might be able to wait Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Kate Manne on Substack: In Defense of Mom Anxiety Anne-Laure Le Cunff for Ness Labs: Overfunctioning: The Drive to Do it All, or When Helping…

This "Deep Dive" series revisits a few of our past episodes on back-to-school challenges such as the morning rush, school projects which require lots of parental oversight, and how to help our kids navigate intensifying academic pressure. Two recent national studies underlined that there's a surprising group of children at risk for worse mental health outcomes: kids who go to high-achieving schools. How do we protect our kids from the pressures all around them to succeed at any cost? ⁠Jennifer Wallace⁠, author of the book ⁠Never Enough⁠, shows us how to teach our kids that they matter intrinsically. Jennifer Wallace is an award-winning journalist and a frequent contributor to the Wall Street Journal and the Washington Post. She lives in New York City with her husband and their three teenagers. Amy, Margaret, and Jennifer discuss: Why achievement pressure is at an all-time high How parents contribute to, but are not solely responsible for, this pressure How to teach our kids that they matter independently of…

What if the proven decline in the mental health of today's adolescents isn't just about phones and screen time? What if academic pressure and "achievement culture" is the real driver of the increase in anxiety and depression today's teens are experiencing? Dr. Stuart Slavin, pediatrician and author of THE SUCCESS TRAP, explains just how widespread academic pressure and "achievement culture" in the United States has become— not just in fancy schools on the coasts, and not just in high school, either. Amy and Dr. Slavin discuss: the average teen's default state of sleep deprivation, caused by hours of homework per night (work that may not even do much to change outcomes) the top stressors today's teens report—and why "peer pressure" doesn't even make the top ten how smartphones feed maladaptive perfectionism and achievement culture how schools that reduce demands on kids are also seeing improved test scores and academic performance how parents can create "low-pressure zones" at home how to advocate for…

When is it useful for our kids to hear about our own life experiences—including situations caused by our own bad decision-making? When does it become oversharing, or get too personal or inappropriate? We discuss how to know how much to tell our kids, and how to have useful difficult conversations, including: our own past choices around drinking, drugs, and sexual activity the family secrets that may be part of our history traumatic and difficult experiences: how do you get across what's important without giving a child information too heavy for them to hold? divorce and family conflict: how not to recruit kids into taking sides of adult disagreements serious illness of a parent, grandparent, or another loved one Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Our Fresh Take with Dr. Mary Martin Lori Michas for Grown and Flown: How Much of Your Past Should You Share With Your Teen? iMom Blog: How Much of Your Past Should You Share With Your Kids? Lynne Meredith Golodner for MetroParent:…

This "Deep Dive" series revisits a few of our past episodes on back-to-school challenges such as the morning rush, school projects which require lots of parental oversight, and how to help our kids navigate intensifying academic pressure. Linda Flanagan is a journalist, researcher, and a former cross-country and track coach. She's also a founding board member of the Positive Coaching Alliance and an Advisory Group member for the Aspen Institute’s Reimagining Sports initiative. Flanagan's book is ⁠TAKE BACK THE GAME: How Money and Mania Are Ruining Kids' Sports--and Why It Matters⁠. Linda tells Amy and Margaret what forces conspired to make the youth sports landscape the way it is today. In this episode, Linda, Amy, and Margaret discuss: How the purpose of kids' sports has changed since we were playing ourselves [7:00] Why we assume sports build character, and whether that's true [14:30] How recruitment for college sports affects both kids' and parents' perspectives [22:15] Here's where you can find Linda:…

What does it really mean to become an active participant in the care of your own health? In this episode, Margaret talks with primary care physician Dr. Lucy McBride about her new book, Beyond the Prescription: A Doctor’s Guide to Taking Charge of Your Health. They discuss how to become a more self-aware and empowered patient, as well as: The difference between medicine and "wellness" Why data is less useful without full context How stress and grief can affect physical health The four parts of whole-person health: informatics, inputs, infrastructure, and insight Why health decisions involve trade-offs The importance of understanding your own “patient personality” How to ask better questions at medical appointments How to make shared decision-making part of your healthcare Why quality of life matters alongside longevity Here's where you can find Dr. McBride: https://www.lucymcbride.com/ https://lucymcbride.substack.com/ @dr.lucymcbride on IG and LinkedIn Buy BEYOND THE PRESCRIPTION:…

Subscribe to our monthly newsletter!⁠ Feeling overwhelmed by everything that needs to get done? If you're the person who keeps track of the appointments, school forms, groceries, household repairs, gifts, kids' activities, and all the little things that seem to live permanently in your head, you may not need to get better at managing your workload—you may need to outsource some of it. We tackle a listener question about how to outsource the household workload without having pockets deep enough for full-time help. We talk about why outsourcing can actually feel like more work at first, how to decide what to hand over, and how to get other people to truly take responsibility instead of simply giving you another task to manage. Here are some topics we discuss: Why the mental load is usually a systems problem Glass balls vs rubber balls, and how to tell the difference Why part-time help is a great way to outsource why making your own life easier is a legitimate use of your resources Here are links to some of the…

This "Deep Dive" series revisits a few of our past episodes on back-to-school challenges such as the morning rush, school projects which require lots of parental oversight, and how to help our kids navigate intensifying academic pressure. So many of us spend hours chauffeuring our kids back and forth to their myriad activities. Why are kids so overloaded with activities these days, and can we get off of this ride? Here are some parenting strategies for navigating this issue. Amy and Margaret discuss: Why kids are so overscheduled these days How overscheduling really affects kids, beyond the mom guilt-inducing headlines What questions to ask when assessing if our kids are overscheduled Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: ⁠Dr Shimi King: Overscheduling Your Kids Isn’t the Fast-Track to Success it Once Was⁠ Solution Health: ⁠Overbooked Kids: The Overscheduled Crisis⁠ Anna Nordberg for Slate: ⁠The Fine Art of Underscheduling⁠ Jill Barshay for Mind Shift: ⁠Overscheduling Kids’ Lives…

We think of rewarding kids as a surefire way to get the behavior we want. But what if rewards mainly serve to underline our children's intrinsic drive to succeed? Dr. Özgür Bolat, education scientist and author of The Reward Trap: Why Rewards Backfire and the Real Science for Motivating Kids, explains why rewarding kids may actually undermine their motivation in the long run. As Dr. Bolat explains, there's a difference between motivation and compliance. Rewards can get children to do something, but they don't necessarily create the ownership, engagement, or intrinsic motivation parents actually want. In this episode, we discuss: How rewards can change the way children view an activity Hedonic adaptation and why rewards often need to get bigger to have the same effect The connection between rewards, praise, and controlling parenting How autonomy-enhancing parenting differs from control Why family chores can help children develop a sense of responsibility and prosocial values Mastery orientation vs.…

What happens when one child’s needs take up most of a family’s attention? Even when parents are doing their best, it can be easy for another child to quietly become the “easy” one—the independent kid, the high achiever, the people-pleaser who never seems to need anything. In this episode, we discuss: What the term glass child means and why some children can become overlooked How hyperindependence can be both a strength and a sign that a child doesn't feel comfortable asking for help Why people-pleasing isn't inherently a bad quality—and when it can become a problem How being the “easy,” responsible, or high-achieving child can lead to perfectionism Why some kids learn to hide anger, sadness, resentment, or other difficult emotions The importance of making space for children to express complicated feelings without judgment How small-T trauma and difficult family dynamics can affect kids even when their experiences don't seem “bad enough” compared with someone else's Why children may act out or seek negative…

This "Deep Dive" series revisits a few of our past episodes on back-to-school challenges such as the morning rush, school projects which require lots of parental oversight, and how to help our kids navigate intensifying academic pressure. Whether it’s the science fair, the pinewood derby, or a pre-K shoebox diorama, sooner or later every kid gets assigned a school project that is, without question, a PARENTS' project. What four-year-old can fashion her own “Dress As Your Patron Saint” costume? What sixth-grader can attempt proper MLA citation format without extreme maternal participation? It’s not so much the projects we mind— it’s the feeling that however we handle it, we’re doing it wrong. If we make the origami cranes for the kid, we’re snowplow parents. If we send them in with a social studies project they made entirely themselves out of paper plates and crayons, we also own their cheek-burning shame when their projects pale in comparison to the professionally produced ones of their peers. In this…

Kids (and adults) with ADHD don't actually have a deficit of attention. Today, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is more properly understood as a deficit of executive function— and as this week's guest ⁠Michael McLeod⁠, founder of GrowNOW ADHD and author of ⁠THE EXECUTIVE FUNCTION PLAYBOOK⁠, explains, executive function means a whole lot more than a messy backpack. To help kids with ADHD succeed, Michael argues, parents need to help children strengthen the internal skills that lead to lifelong independence. In this interview, drawing from his decades of experience working with families whose kids are growing up with ADHD, Michael explains his four-pillar framework for developing executive functioning skills: self-awareness, self-regulation, self-motivation, and self-evaluation. In this episode, you'll learn: How self-awareness and "time blindness" can affect daily life when you have ADHD Why novel experiences are crucial opportunities for kids with ADHD How exposure to screens intensifies ADHD…

Are you certain that people are only pretending to enjoy cilantro? Or mah jongg? We asked our listeners to tell us the things they're convinced no one actually likes. From complicated board games to high school graduations, we discuss the most nominated to be overrated. Here's the link to all of the hilarious answers people gave in our Facebook group! What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This "Deep Dive" series revisits a few of our past episodes on back-to-school challenges such as the morning rush, school projects which require lots of parental oversight, and how to help our kids navigate intensifying academic pressure. Getting-ready playlists? Choosing outfits the night before? Bringing snacks to the pickup line? We asked our audience about their favorite back-to-school tips... and we also allowed some venting about back-to-school craziness as well. Amy and Margaret discuss: To make lunch or not to make lunch How to keep outfits clean at breakfast The best time to grocery shop Here are links to resources mentioned in the episode: Read the full Facebook thread here and if you're not already part of our amazing group, you can join at www.facebook.com/groups/whatfreshhellcast! Watch the short film Amy mentions: "How Was Your Day?" directed by Allison Hadar and Maddie Corman What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You…

Childhood anxiety is on the rise. Parents are often unsure how to respond, and in their well-intentioned efforts to reassure their kids, can sometimes reinforce the anxious patterns. In this interview Kristen McNeely, LMFT, explains how parents can start to help their kids build resilience by taking small, manageable steps toward the things that might scare them. We also discuss school refusal—why it's more complicated than simply not wanting to go to school; the warning signs parents should watch for; and why collaboration between parents, schools, and mental health professionals is essential. Kristen explains why school refusal often begins with school avoidance, how transition years like kindergarten and middle school increase risk, and why pulling kids out of school is rarely an effective long-term solution. Amy, Margaret, and Kristen also discuss: Why parental accommodations can unintentionally fuel anxiety The difference between validating feelings and reinforcing fear Why gradual exposure works better…

All too often, we leave our kids' pediatric appointments only to remember what we really wanted to ask when we're on the drive home. Fear not: Dr. Mary Martin is in, and she's answering all our burning pediatric-medicine questions. Margaret and Dr. Mary Martin cover all the the topics most likely fill parents' search histories and social media feeds, separating medical facts from internet misinformation and offering practical, judgment-free advice. You'll learn: How to navigate vaccine misinformation Why pediatricians continue to recommend the "ABCs" of safe sleep When it's OK stop comparing your child to everyone else's The babyproofing essentials that actually matter Why reading to babies is so powerful, even before they can talk. How to handle picky eating without turning every meal into a battle The leading causes of preventable childhood injuries and simple ways to reduce risk Practical guidance on screen time, social media, vaping, caffeine, and substance use How to build trust so your child feels…

This month, our "Deep Dive" is into some of our past episodes about screen time: the effects it has on our kids, how tech companies engineer their devices to be as addictive as possible, and how we can allow our kids to enjoy screens with supportive limits. Is screen use a daily battle of wills in your house? ⁠Emily Cherkin⁠, author of the new book ⁠"THE SCREENTIME SOLUTION: A Judgment-Free Guide to Becoming a Tech-Intentional Family,"⁠ explains how to model a healthy relationship with tech for our kids. Emily Cherkin, MEd., consults with parents, offers school presentations and professional development training, and brings her tech-intentional approach to as many people as possible. Emily and Margaret discuss: What "tech-intentional" really means and how it's different from being screen-free How to align screen use with family values How to model tech intentionality with your kids Here's where you can find Emily: ⁠http://www.thescreentimeconsultant.com⁠ Instagram: @thescreentimeconsultant Facebook:…

What does it really take to build a fulfilling life—and how do we help our kids do the same? Bestselling author and host of the podcast "What It's Like to Be..." Dan Heath joins Amy for a conversation that challenges some of the biggest assumptions parents make about success, careers, decision making, and what their kids will remember most about growing up. Dan shares why meaningful work often comes from unexpected places and why room for experimentation and exploration is one of the greatest gifts we can give our children. Dan and Amy discuss: Why there's no such thing as a universally "good" career How to help kids discover passions without putting pressure on them A simple exercise that creates unforgettable family memories Why experimentation leads to more fulfilling work and life Four common decision-making "villains"—and how to avoid them Practical ways to make parenting, work, and everyday decisions with more clarity Here's where you can find Dan: www.danheath.com Listen to "What It's Like to Be..."…

If you've ever looked at your very different children and wondered how they could possibly share the same DNA, same parents, and same upbringing, you're not alone— and you're not imagining things. Research shows that while siblings are usually more alike in appearance and intelligence than we sometimes think, their personalities are as different from one another as they would be from a stranger on the street. Why is that? This week, we discuss: Why siblings can have vastly different personalities despite common upbringings How birth order influences family dynamics Why "de-identification" tends to be more intense when siblings are closer in age Why "the same household" doesn't actually tell the whole story Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Alix Spiegel for NPR: Siblings Share Genes, But Rarely Personalities Dr. Robert Plomin and Dr. Judy Dunn: Why Are Siblings So Different? The Significance of Differences in Sibling Experiences Within the Family Dr. Frank Sullaway: Why…

This month, our "Deep Dive" is into some of our past episodes about screen time: the effects it has on our kids, how tech companies engineer their devices to be as addictive as possible, and how we can allow our kids to enjoy screens with supportive limits. How do we untangle ourselves from technology? We give ourselves a hard time for not being able to put our screens down, but the platforms we use are designed to be addictive. It's not our fault. ⁠Gaia Bernstein⁠'s new book: ⁠Unwired: Gaining Control Over Addictive Technologies⁠ shatters the illusion that we can control how much time we spend on our screens by the force of willpower, timers, or yelling. Margaret and Gaia discuss: The psychological forces that make us keep scrolling What Big Tech and Big Tobacco have in common Why screen time limiters and other similar methods don't work Here's where you can find Gaia: ⁠https://gaiabernstein.com/⁠ Twitter: @BernsteinGaia Buy Gaia's book Unwired: ⁠https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781009257930⁠ We love the…

What if the fact that we sometimes we "lose it" as parents doesn't make us bad parents? What if those times stem from an overwhelmed nervous system, and what happens when we get curious about what's underneath? Marriage and family therapist Dr. Cassidy Freitas, host of the "Holding Space" podcast and author of the new book MOM NEEDS A MOMENT, explains why parents "lose it," what our emotional reactions are really telling us, and how we can interrupt generational patterns without striving for perfection. In this episode, you'll learn: How childhood experiences shape your parenting triggers today. The difference between guilt and shame. Why repair after conflict is often more powerful than trying to be a perfect parent. How social media and intensive parenting culture fuel parental burnout and self-criticism. What "creating margin" means—and why a few moments of space can transform your relationship with your children. How to recognize your triggers before reacting. The simple phrase Dr. Freitas uses to calm…

What are the best ways for us to support our kids' interests? Should we help them become the best gymnasts and singers they can be, as soon as they show glimmers of true interest? Or are they better off exploring many interests, without all of that added pressure? From travel sports to elite ballet training and specialized extracurriculars, childhood activities feel increasingly professionalized, with a lot less room for beginners, dabblers, or kids who just want to have fun. This week, we're wondering whether encouraging curiosity and exploration may be healthier than pushing early specialization. We discuss: The difference between supporting a child's interests and managing their career Why exploration—not specialization—is often the key to discovering lifelong passions How parents can praise effort and enjoyment instead of performance Why your child's purpose may be much bigger than any single job or talent How to encourage resilience when interests change or dreams evolve Here are links to some of the…

This month, our "Deep Dive" is into some of our past episodes about screen time: the effects it has on our kids, how tech companies engineer their devices to be as addictive as possible, and how we can allow our kids to enjoy screens with supportive limits. The dreaded question "When should my kid get a phone?" is one we're asked often. These days "whether" is not part of the equation, and the ages at which our kids' peers are getting phones seems younger than ever. Dr. Catherine Pearlman, author of the new book ⁠First Phone: A Child's Guide To Digital Responsibility, Safety, and Etiquette⁠, is the founder of ⁠The Family Coach⁠ and a licensed clinical social worker who has been working with children and families for more than 25 years. First Phone– a book written not for parents, but for our kids– puts the risks and rewards of a phone in perspective for our children, and helps them consider what parameters they themselves might want to put on their phones and how they can use them wisely. In this episode,…

Laura Clery has built a massive digital empire, of over 25 million followers, offering her own blend of silly sketch comedy and unflinchingly vulnerable reality. In this interview, Laura tells Margaret about her new memoir, WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU MAKES YOU HOTTER , and the unraveling of a marriage shaped by sobriety, relapse, codependency, fame, and the pressure of living so much of life online. Laura and Margaret discuss: Her experience raising a child on the autism spectrum What happens when a relationship falls apart in public Why it can be hard to recognize destructive patterns from the inside How motherhood has made Laura brave Here's where you can find Laura: @laura.clery on FB @lauraclery on IG and TikTok @LauraMarieClery on YouTube Listen to Laura's podcast Idiot Buy WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU MAKES YOU HOTTER: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781668087343 What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals…

You know how sometimes when you're in charge, in a really hard moment, you keep watching the door for an actual grownup to show up? Because it can't possibly be 42-year-old YOU who's in charge at this moment? In this episode we discuss the strange experience of being the person in charge while also feeling wildly underqualified. From broken bones and dinner logistics to taxes, travel mishaps, and medical decision-making, here are the times when we— and our listeners— were hoping for an authorit figure besides ourselves to show up and fix everything. Join our Facebook group to see all of our listeners' hilarious responses! What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This month, our "Deep Dive" is into some of our past episodes about screen time: the effects it has on our kids, how tech companies engineer their devices to be as addictive as possible, and how we can allow our kids to enjoy screens with supportive limits. Psychologist Susan Linn, author of ⁠WHO'S RAISING THE KIDS? BIG TECH, BIG BUSINESS, AND THE LIVES OF CHILDREN⁠, isn't anti-technology. She's anti-advertising to children, and has spent her long career spotlighting the "monumental shift towards a digitized-commercialized childhood." With smart speakers and screens at arms' reach wherever kids go, digital technologies continue to evolve much faster than our understanding of the ramifications of their dominance in our kids' lives. Susan began her career as award-winning ventriloquist (here she is on ⁠Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood⁠!) and has become a world-renowned expert on creative play and the impact of media and commercial marketing on children. In this episode, Susan tells us Why her point isn't to make…

There are these things that you just don't understand why anybody would do. But some people do them. We aren't about judgment at the What Fresh Hell podcast, but we do sometimes have to ask: what kind of monster? What kind of monster listens to videos on speaker? Or keeps the keyboard clicks on their phone? What kind of monster takes up two parking spots? Puts empty cereal boxes back in the cabinet? Gives small children toys with one hundred tiny pieces? We went to our ⁠Facebook page⁠ and we asked people to share what kind of monsters they were encountering on a daily basis. In this episode we explore quite a few. And here's a disclaimer: we may each have been one or more of these monsters before. What Fresh Hell is co-hosted by Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: ⁠https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit…

Have you ever felt like your life consisted of too many moving parts at the same time? In this episode, we explore why life tends to deliver too much change at once—and the difference between an actual change and the larger, more uncertain area of transition that both precedes and follows any big change. We discuss: Why even positive and worked-toward life transitions can feel overwhelming once they arrive What "change saturation" and "change fatigue" look like How your business partners, family members, or loved ones might be going through the same change, but on a very different transition timeline Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Our episode "Why We Avoid Uncertainty (And How That Gets In Our Way)" Talkspace blog: How to Keep It Together When Everything Keeps Changing North Highland blog: How Much Change is Too Much Change? Cassandra Worthy: The 3 Stages Of Change Fatigue And How To Recover Prosci blog: Bridges Transition Model Explained and Made Actionable William Bridges…